A Day In The Life
by Astarael's Get
Summary: Oneshot, for a challenge. Warning: Sai, Tobi, Rimu, jigsaws, theft, and ostriches. Rated T because it's Rimu.


**Okay! This is a challenge game for most Fridays, this means I'll update more often so be happy~~ This weeks challenge was less than one thousand words and to include an ostrich. Enjoy~~**

**Disclaimer: Anything that doesn't belong to me doesn't belong to me. Happy? Me too.**

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Today I shall tell you a tale of possibly our least favourite Akatsuki member, and considered the least dangerous, despite his acceptance into the S-class criminal organisation bent on world domination. Yes, this is a tale of one Bureno Rimu, a downtrodden, underappreciated soul.

Not.

There's a reason nobody likes Rimu. However, on the morning in question, Rimu woke up and had forgotten what it was. For once, he walked to breakfast questioning the snarky comments and buckets of icy water thrown at him, and entered the dining room in a state of confusion. He sat through the meal, bearing the soggy cornflakes in his hair with an air of complete bewilderment. His partner-in-pranks watched him quietly from the other side of the table.

"What's up, Rimu? Why the long face?"

Rimu turned bemusedly to the crazy fishman. "Why does everyone hate me?"

The room froze. Leader hastily left the room, twitching and mumbling something about this not being daycare.

Half a minute later a screeching match between Kisame and Sasori ensued.

"YOU HIT HIM TOO DAMN HARD YESTERDAY!"

"THAT WAS _YOU_!"

"WAS NOT!"

"WAS TOO!"

"GODDAMMIT SHUT _UP_!" shrieked Konan, clubbing them both round the head with an iron ladle big enough to fit Sai inside. Why exactly Konan had such a ladle is not for we mere mortals to understand, however. "That is _not_ helping!"

She turned to the resident walking foliage. "Zetsu, you have a psychiatrist. Get him to deal with this!"

"My Jekyll is a psychiatrist, not a brain surgeon," Zetsu replied calmly, dodging the Ladle of Death™ by sinking into the wall. He emerged momentarily to continue, "Rimu clearly needs surgery. Maybe a new brain. Maybe a new liver."

The room collectively shivered. They all knew how Zetsu and the Hawktopus would share discarded limbs like normal children would share a packet of biscuits (with much hair-pulling and squealing for teacher involved, but, ultimately, one would win and devour said body parts). Rimu, somehow blissfully unaware of the plot to remove and consume his internal organs, continued eating his toast.

Two hours later found Rimu watching Fig reruns with Tei who, at regular intervals, ordered a random person to 'beer her', resulting in a bottle or can crashing into Rimu's face. He suspected this was deliberate, though he still wasn't quite sure why.

He began to realise after the eighteenth time that the left side of his face was covered with a violently violet bruise and his face was probably going to melt if he remained any longer in the lounge. Tei casually instructed Itachi to 'beer her' as this happened, and so Rimu was struck on the back of the head by one more bottle and three coasters as he left the room.

Wandering the Akatsuki hideout without prejudice against his fellow members allowed him to notice things he'd never noticed before. Of course, Rimu had no idea he'd never noticed these things before, so tried to be unsurprised when he saw Kakuzu exiting Rei's room with an armful of lacy somethings, or when Hidan and Sasori stumbled across his path, bickering madly about why the other was not a good match (for whom Rimu could not remember), or when he spotted Deidara taping photographs of the resident psychopathic Uchiha on the inside of his closet door.

Then a miracle occurred that caused Rimu's memories to come flooding back.

Rimu encountered an intriguing sight as he passed Tobi's room- sat in the middle of the floor was Tobi and that small Konoha-nin with the obsession with the male genitalia. They were putting together a jigsaw. He paused a moment to listen to their conversation.

"What do you think it's going to be, Tobi-san?"

"Tobi thinks it may be very cool," the orange-masked ninja chirped happily in reply, "Like a cheese sandwich or a bewitched ostrich!"

Something clicked in Rimu's brain. He slowly and silently bent down, picked something up from the floor, slipped it into his pocket and tiptoed away.

A distressed wail ripped through the hideout later that day, and Rimu walked towards his own room in a satisfied manner as everyone else ran towards the source of the noise.

Nonchalantly, he tossed the single jigsaw puzzle piece he'd stolen into the air and caught it again, basking in his victory.

God he loved being an asshole.


End file.
